M Night Madness:
by Kildiazar the Unwanted Ghost
Summary: How exactly would the Avatar characters from the series react to the live action film adaptation by M. Night Shyamalan? Expect Twists galore!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: **First of all, I wrote this to reflect my opinions on the casting and nearly all goings-on regarding the Last Airbender movie. If I'm going to rant, might as well have fun doing it. I plan this to be a story of how the actions in our world in relation to the upcoming movie are affecting the characters of the Avatar world. It takes place after the Firebending Masters episode and before the Boiling Rock. The plot is subject to change as updates on the movie come up but I do have a general plot in mind, climaxing at around one year from now when the movie is finally released. The ending will be determined by the quality of the movie.

This piece was not written with the intent to offend anyone. It is not meant to be an attack on M. Night Shyamalan or Pete Vonder Haar or the Greatness that is _**BRYKE**_ or anyone else. It is meant only to be a parody. But still, until the movie comes out, I'm still willing to give them a chance. Honestly, I really, really want M. Night to knock us all dead. I want him to knock us all dead wrong about our (currently) justified paranoia.

I know that the filming is already done and they are now in the post-production work, so any changes to the cast are now moot point. I've seen my fair share of both good and bad tidbits regarding the cast and I am willing for now, to give them the benefit of the doubt. This was written for humorous purposes. So just try to keep an open mind.

Also I know the title is an incredibly lame pun on Sokka's "midnight sun madness" comment but if anyone can think up of a better title that, please do tell me and I will credit you.

Lastly, I want to say that everything I write has a reason. This chapter is filled with hidden meanings, in-jokes and references. Try to figure them out and feel free to interpret them.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender nor do I claim ownership over any of the personalities mentioned in this fic. As a matter of fact, I own nothing.

**Chapter 1**: Warning

"If Shyamalan is going to use his kids as a focus group for future projects, maybe he should start making movies for Nickelodeon already and stop wasting our time"

-------Pete Vonder Haar of Film Threat on _"__Lady in the Water__"_

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All was quiet at the Western Air Temple and even the liveliest of warriors were sound asleep, nestled away in the comfort of their own respective sleeping bags. The Fire Nation Prince mumbled to himself as his thoughts turned to a certain Waterbender whom he'd inexplicably found rather attractive when making death threats. Said Waterbender was now contemplating the possibility of secretly having a "thing" with Haru. On the other hand, the Waterbender's brother, overprotective as ever, was on the verge of strangling his already lifeless excuse for a pillow, which his paranoid imaginings had misconstrued as a certain someone he'd found snuggled away in his sister's sleeping bag, visibly irritated sister in tow. The blind Earthbender's dreams were different from everyone else's as she didn't see the world as they did, nor were her dreams as romanticized as theirs. Instead, she envisioned facing down the Fire Lord, taking down his massive ego a peg or three. Using her incredible earthbending, she toyed with the Fire Lord the way The Duke played with a hackey sack.

But all was not well with the inhabitants of the Air Temple. The flights of fancy of the Avatar's friends were of no actual concern now. Instead of being fortunate enough to have dreams filled with hormonal trivialities, the Avatar's dreams dealt with a far more serious matter. As the others blithely slumbered, lost in their fantasies, the lone Airbender tossed and turned in his sheets, plagued by nightmares the likes of which he had never seen before.

"_So how do you guys feel about a movie being made about your show?"_

"_We're really excited. Bryan and I have been working on the story and the series for about five years now, so to see it go kind of go into this new realm of live action and the level of detail and time involved… it's really exciting."_

"Aaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhh!!!!!"

A bloodcurdling scream resonated throughout the entire temple. Whatever dreams the others were having at the moment were completely forgotten and replaced by the sudden fear that they were under attack or that something equally terrible had happened. However, before anyone could react, Aang got up and sped over to Zuko's disgruntled form.

"Zuko! Wake up! You have to take your clothes off!" The Avatar began tugging on the Prince's crimson sleepwear.

"Wait… whh… what?" Zuko rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes upon hearing Aang's ridiculous request.

"Hurry! We have to get rid of everything **red!** It's the **bad color!** It attracts the Evil!" As he said this, Aang wasted no time in setting fire to Zuko's clothes.

The Prince just stared at the hysterical Airbender and calmly used his own firebending to extinguish the flames. Ever since he had joined the Avatar and his ragtag bunch of misfits, Zuko had been constantly exposed to this sort of nonsensical mayhem. It was now just a normal part of being a member of the group.

"I'll go make you some tea." Zuko said nonchalantly. "Maybe it will help calm you down." With that, the Firebender stood up and walked over to the camp's makeshift kitchen to brew some tea.

As Zuko left the others, who were now crowded around the Avatar, Katara sat down beside Aang with her typical "worried mother" look etched on her face. "What's wrong, Aang? Is it the nightmares again?" Katara asked, placing her hand on Aang's shoulder for comfort.

"Katara, I just had the most terrible vision!" said an exasperated Aang. "There were people screaming and trying to kill themselves and plants that wanted to kill them too and a girl named "Story" and a Great Eatlon and there were these strange markings on fields of corn and a creepy boar-wolf monster that lived in the woods and another that lived in the grass and the Cabbage Merchant was the mastermind behind the war and Momo was a flying peach and I think I see dead people!"

"Whoa, whoa whoa! Hold your ostrich-horses, Twinkletoes!" Toph exclaimed as she used her earthbending to push down the restless Airbender. "It's not yet the end of the world and the Comet's not coming for weeks. What's gotten you all caught up in a snake-spider's web?"

"Toph's right, Aang." Katara continued. "It's not like we're in any immediate danger. Just take a deep breath and tell us what happened."

"But this wasn't like my nightmares before! This is even bigger than that! Bigger than Ozai even! I saw the Gods, themselves! Both of them!"

"Wait, hold on! The Gods?" Sokka interrupted. "What Gods?"

"They're the Creators of our World, Sokka. The monks used to say that in beginningless time, They breathed life into the Void and fashioned everything… out of nothing."

"So what? You expect me to believe that these 'Gods' just zapped us into existence and… mfsdhfcv"

Aang immediately clapped his hand on Sokka's mouth. "Sshhh! Sokka, you don't ever speak badly about the Gods! Besides, this is serious, you guys!"

"Alright already, Twinkletoes, just spill already! We're listening." Toph earthbended a chair out of rock and sat down cross-legged.

"In my vision, I was at the top of Mt. Para when I saw the Gods speaking to a man, only he wasn't just any man. They called him "The Vessel" and he was talking about re-creating the World; our World! Do you guys realize what this means?

Aang waved his hands for emphasis.

"It'll be as if everything we've ever done… all that we've ever lived for… all that we are… would just suddenly vanish, like none of it ever existed. He was talking about Twisting the very fabric of reality! We'll just all… cease to be! And I don't even normally use those words!" Aang was panting now, trying to catch his breath.

The Avatar's companions stared at Aang as though he had just sprouted a second head. Oddly enough, it was Haru who broke the silence.

"Maybe I should just go help Teo and The Duke get back to sleep." The male Earthbender had been the only one to notice the pair either stifling a yawn or nodding off to sleep. Either way, they weren't really paying attention to anything Aang was saying.

As the trio shuffled off to their sleeping bags, Sokka whispered to the rest of the Gaang. "You know, if Haru keeps doing hanging out with those two like that, pretty soon he might just suddenly lose his mustache and grown down to their age."

"Ugh! Sokka!" Katara slapped the backside of her brother's head. "Haru's just trying to be helpful."

Aang and Toph burst into laughter while watching the Water Tribe siblings' antics. But in time, their laughter abated and Aang decided to continue explaining his dream.

"I tried to get closer to the Vessel to listen in more to the conversation. But when I got near, I felt this prickly sensation all over me, like all there were all these pins and needles stabbing my chest. I couldn't breathe so I tried to get away. When I turned around, I saw **Ships**…

"There were hundreds… thousands of Ships on an endless ocean. They were all different kinds of Ships. But they were all united under one banner, with their cannons ready to fire. I could see that everyone on board was willing to fight to the end for what they believed in. They didn't want the Vessel to remake the World and if he did, they wanted him to make it under their terms. Then all of a sudden, the Ships just opened fire on the mountain. I screamed and then I woke up and that was it."

A stunned silence enveloped the Avatar's companions. The imaginary second head had just transformed into a 400-foot tall purple platypus bear with pink horns and silver wings, complete with a crazy smiling Azula face. But it wasn't just Aang's inane rambling that had left his friends stupefied. The resident Firebender had just returned, bearing a tray of steaming teacups in hand.

It was Sokka who took it upon himself to point out a strange, previously unnoticed growth atop the Prince's normally raven-colored locks.

"Zuko, is it just me or is your hair turning blonde?"

"…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: **I sincerely apologize for not updating for some time now. But I assure you that from now on I will be updating more frequently since writing this is a good exercise to hone my humor skills. (Wait did I just type that? Never mind.) Besides, I've come across some fresh material for my story such as the possibility that Gene Simmons will be playing the "Dragon Spirit", the possibility that Fire Benders will no longer be able to create their own fire and some interesting quotes I've found while browsing through M. Night Shyamalan's official website.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

**Chapter 2**: Hair

The makeshift bathroom at the Western Air Temple was a complete and utter mess. Emptied bottles and containers were strewn about the wet tiles. The stone walls bled of various creams and ointments. A lone Firebender stood, soaked to the bone, meticulously scrubbing at his mis-colored scalp. Had his hair not been so drenched, he would have set it on fire a long time ago.

"Ugh! Why isn't it coming off?" Zuko shouted at the cracked remains of a mirror, running moist-wrinkled fingers through his hair.

The Prince stepped beneath the trickling waterfall to rinse his hair for the hundredth time when all of a sudden, a resounding BLAM echoed throughout the walls, ushering in a sudden draft of wind. The already rotting wood of the doorway flew off its hinges and was replaced by a solid slab of rock that jutted out from the ground.

"Enjoy talking to yourself much, Sparky?"

Surprised at being caught in the nude, Zuko threw a weak fireball at the waterfall. The Prince modestly hid himself in the cloud of steam that appeared. Toph felt Zuko's heart rate quicken as he did this.

"Relax, Sparky! No need to shield yourself from _my manly gaze_," the blind Earthbender spoke with a mischievous smirk on your face. Draped across one arm was a red towel. "It doesn't matter whether you have clothes on or not. It's not like I can_ see_ anything, anyway."

The Firebender's face went as red as a tomato-carrot as the temperature in the room began to rise. "Don't you ever knock?" Zuko said in embarrassment.

"I did. I knocked the door down, didn't I? Besides, you've been hogging the bathroom for way too long. You've been here since the crack of dawn and half the morning's already done. Other people need to use the bathroom too you know."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't realize I was taking so long." The fire in Zuko's tone abated. In truth, he had completely lost all track of time.

"What's the big deal anyway? So what if your hair's a different color now? Frankly Sparks, you don't strike me as the kind to get so worked up from something like that."

"Actually, it's not me. It's Aang. He said I should get rid of the spot before I am 'drained of all Color and personality'. Or at least, that's what he says." Zuko turned around to face his reflection in the mirror. "But the more I scrub at it, the bigger the blond part grows. Now I look like some sort of weird skunk-badger."

"Nah, you and Twinkletoes are just overreacting. It doesn't look too noticeable to me." Toph said with a shrug of her shoulders

"Do you really think so?" Zuko turned back to face Toph. "Because I… Hey wait a minute! You can't see it!"

"Congratulations Sparky, you're only half a slow as Snoozles. You should take that as a compliment. Hey, do I smell Panda Lilies?" Toph said as she began to twirl the towel around her hands.

The Prince took a quick glance at his currently depleted stash of shampoo. "Yeah, I guess I kind of got carried away with the shampoo."

"Well, better finish up before you turn into a shriveled Sea Prune." With that, Toph kicked at the earth causing Zuko's pile of clean clothes to topple haphazardly into the draining pool.

"TOPH! What did you do that for?" Zuko exclaimed. "Now my clothes are all wet."

As Zuko turned around and stooped over to fetch his now damp garments, he felt a hard and sudden THWACK on his bare bottom, causing him lose balance and fall into the draining pool as well. Before Zuko knew what was going on, Toph had already recoiled the towel and began twirling it once more.

"That," Toph began, "was payback for burning my feet." She faked another whipping motion with the towel but intentionally fell short of her intended target. Though that didn't make Zuko flinch any less. "Well, hurry up then!" She threw the towel at Zuko's face. "Sugar Queen's gonna have a fit if you let her cooking get cold. See ya, Sparky."

Toph then earthbended the stone slabs open, the sudden force clearing out all the steam from the room. As the sunlight streamed in and bathed his naked form, Zuko was left speechless. He hurriedly wrapped the towel around his waist and walked off to his room.

Upon entering his assigned sleeping quarters, the first thing that Zuko noticed was that his bag had been rummaged and most of its contents were nowhere in sight. He searched every nook and cranny of the room but not a single thread of his garments was to be found. _'Strange'_ he thought. Perhaps Aang could sort out his predicament.

A while later, the Prince found the Avatar sitting alone in front of a roaring campfire. At first glance, he appeared to be meditating, perhaps to hone his firebending skills. Zuko approached the boy and lightly tapped him on the shoulder.

"Mornin' Sifu Hotman! Hey, do I smell Panda Lili --- Oh my…. Monkeyfeathers!!!! Aaaaaaggggghhhh!!! BLOND!!! YOUR HAIR IS BLOND!!!" A hysterical Aang shouted and pointed at Zuko's seemingly striped hair. "IT MUST BE EATING AWAY AT YOUR BRAIN!!!" Aang shot a small flame at Zuko's scalp but since it was still soaking wet, the flame merely sizzled away without any lasting damage.

"Yes Aang. I think we managed to establish that several hours ago." The Prince kept his composure in front of the young Avatar but him temper was now a boiling pot. Or rather, it was a fuse had been lit and it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. "Anyway, have you seen my clothes by any chance? They seem to be missing."

"Oh yeah, um… about that…" The Avatar began to slowly back away from Zuko. "I kinda, sorta, maybe… burned them?" Aang put on his most innocent-looking smile. Zuko was not convinced in the very least.

"You. Did. WHAT???!!!!" Zuko was inches away from throttling the poor Airbender.

"Oh Zuko, I'm so sorry!" The Avatar went down on his hands and knees, begging. "Please oh please forgive me! I burned your clothes because they were all… **RED!!!**" Aang caught sight of Zuko's crimson towel and immediately set fire to it.

Had anyone been there to witness the commotion, they would have been treated to a most hilarious sight indeed. The half-naked Prince of the Fire Nation was chasing the Avatar around the temple grounds, scolding him as though he were a naughty child or an untrained puppy. One hand had a death grip on the towel wrapped around his torso. The other appeared to be furiously snuffing out the flames with his firebending while throwing small fireballs at Aang to keep him away. He had caused enough damage as it was already. This gave the impression that Zuko was grabbing stray flames from said towel and hurling them at Aang.

"No Aang! Stop it! Bad Aang! Bad! Very bad! No more firebending for you! I mean it! No more firebending!" Zuko shouted condemnations, one after another, as he frantically patted away at the flames that threatened to consume the remnants of his singed towel.

When that was all done, one good look at the campfire confirmed that there was nothing salvageable from the flames. Zuko fixated a good, long, mean stare at the guilty and somewhat frightened Airbender. He then took a deep breath to ensure he would not lose his temper. At least, not any more than he already had.

"Seriously Aang, What am I going to wear now? You can't expect me to fight anyone looking like this." He gestured at himself to emphasize his point.

"Well, maybe Sokka has some extra clothes he can lend you for the moment?" Aang smiled a sheepish smile.

"Oh no! No, no, no! Absolutely not! There is just no way I am wearing Sokka's clothes!"

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Several minutes later…

"I can't believe I am wearing Sokka's clothes!"

Everyone in the dining room burst into a loud fit of laughter.

"Hey, you should at least be thankful I decided to let you have some of my clothes." Sokka joked in between mouthfuls of stew. "Toph almost convinced me to let you run around half-naked for a few more hours."

Zuko grit his teeth and mumbled a half-hearted thank you.

"What's wrong oh high and mighty Prince?" Katara goaded, still untrusting of the Firebender. "Are you allergic to our peasant germs? Or maybe Sokka's shade of blue clashes with your new skunk-bear look."

Zuko bit down hard on his tongue lest he say anything he would regret later on.

"Well, he did call himself a skunk-badger when I was talking to him earlier," Toph added.

"At least he doesn't smell like one," continued Sokka. "Thanks to him, I think the whole temple smells of Panda Lilies."

Another roar of laughter erupted from the Avatar's companions but upon glancing at a visibly annoyed Zuko, Aang decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Guys, enough already! Zuko's probably just having a little trouble adjusting to all of this. Maybe if we were all just a little bit more considerate of his situation, everyone would get along perfectly fine. Right, Sifu Hotman?" He nudged Zuko in the ribs.

As expected, Zuko's scowl only deepened. As if standing up for him now would be enough to compensate for the loss of his entire wardrobe. Instead of dignifying Aang with a response, Zuko stood up, picked up his bowl and politely excused himself from the dining area. He had not taken three steps away when a most peculiar sound stopped him dead in his tracks. It was a sound that echoed throughout the farthest reaches of the Fire Nation.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"What in all the four nations was that?" Sokka voiced out the question that plagued everyone's mind.

Amidst the Gaang's silence, Zuko was the only one who spoke as he came to a realization.

"That voice… I recognize that voice. But it couldn't be. Could it?"


End file.
